The Dummy’s Mailbag

There’s nothing more humbling for us little scribes than getting notes from readers.

Well, I suppose getting lumped in to the whole Hitler has a micropenis thing would be humbling. Or humiliating? Either, I suppose, because when people are saying that you’re a mini-size bar of fun, who really cares.

Anyway! Back in the good old days, folks used to sit down at a desk/table/countertop, yank out a piece of paper, find a pen/pencil/crayon/marker, think through what they wanted to say, think ‘oh, maybe a typewriter would be better because my penmanship has gone to crap’, start with ‘Dear’ or ‘Sir/Madam’ or ‘To Whom it may Concern’ — which is the ultimate, ‘I don’t give two squirts about who gets this note.’ — make their points, fold the paper into thirds, or into half and then have that weird other fold down the length of the paper, find the right sized envelope, and not the ones from the wedding invitations, because who needs that postage nightmare, stuff it in there neatly, find a stamp or steam it off another letter that wasn’t postmarked, walk down the post office or put it in the box, then try to remember if it’s ‘flag up, mail to go’ or ‘flag down, mail’s here,’ and then walk away feeling righteous and maybe a little hungry…

I’m losing the thread here.

This is the key: The Dummy got some as of yet approved blog post comments that need to be answered.

That period of laziness ENDS NOW.

Okay, happynewyear2016smsquotes.com, thanks so much for this amazing information. It’s comments like this, and all of this vital information to my readers, that makes the Internet really worthwhile.

I especially appreciate your information about yoga poses for 144-pound bodies. I mean, last time I was 144 pounds was 1977 when I was 10 years old. But, thanks.

Seriously blushing right now. Could you send Mrs. Dummy a note and let her know this?

Thanks for the note. I’ll let “admin” know.

Is this Rae from “Star Wars?”

First off, thanks for the nice words. At the same time, when someone writes a blog comment with awful grammar it’s super hard to understand. Breathe through your nose, take a second to re-read your comments before hitting post, and gain the esteem and love of the Internet. You’re welcome.

Listen, I’m not sure if you heard this, but President Donald Trump has declared that all blog comments must be written in English only. Please translate and re-post.

This is some solid information, nandosdelivery.wordpress.com.

Can we please give a moment of thanks to William Cullen? According to partselect.com, while at the University of Glasgow, Cullen demonstrated the first artificial refrigeration system in the year 1748. However, the site says, he never used his discovery for practical purposes. In 1805, U.S. inventor Oliver Evans designed the first refrigeration machine that didn’t use liquid and instead used vapor to cool.

Shout out to the Cullen and Evans families!

And, massive respect to my kosher friends. Beautiful people, beautiful culture.

Those single folks? There are like a ton of t.v. shows out there showing people who reside alone how to cook fresh and healthy meals for themselves. And, there’s like all those companies that will deliver fresh ingredients right to your door. Options, people. There are options.

It’s hard to argue with anyone from “thegreatamericantoiletpaperdebate.com” about being a great author. I did write a book that pretty good Amazon reviews and sold like 97 copies.

And, I hope your holiday weekend was grand as well. I’m unclear what holidays are taking place the first weekend in October, but I’m down for a little celebration!

To be honest, I’ve been toying around with the idea to start a GoFundMe (or would it be Indiegogo?) to raise some dough for a sex doll. To be clear, it’s not because I have a problem with either premature ejaculation or orgasm, it’s just that I pushed pause on the Tivo and I’m not sure how much space I have left on the DVR.

Thanks for reassuring me — and your fellow readers — that NOT ONE SEX DOLL has caused swine flu in Jalisco. Would love to get some information about locales up in North Dakota where sex dolls are so popular among cowboys and rough necks.

So, about that dress comment, sir/madam, I have zero qualms about looking like a strange dude in a dress. I mean, it’s got to be season and situation appropriate. Perhaps that’s what you meant. I don’t want to pop up at a summer picnic in a prom dress.

Oh, shit, just noticed this post came from “asian tranny cams.” So, yeah, whatever you think.

There’s more. Promise to get back to you ASAP. Ish.